A breath...

the last few weeks were full. didn’t have time for anything. nothing came out. but quite some things came in.

i do not know what to make of this. i never read anything by miranda july. i would like to, though, just to know how it’s like. her website is something more in the way of a tease. funny and fresh.

long time ago i read somewhere that one should try, just before going to bed, to have a look at the day that is about to pass. go over what was most interesting, what was new, what should be remembered. i think that’s good advice. otherwise, everything passes by so quickly, like a carousel ride…

yesterday a saw ‘a fost sau n-a fost’. as the reviews say, it is a good film. here and there it is a bit too much but overall, pretty good. 12:08, east of bucharest. what did i do back then? cannot remember clearly. i was home, in the village, with my parents – winter holidays. we did not have any snow. i remember the road was dusty. cold dust. grey and brown. we had no phone. no car to go to the city (do not know if we even thought about going there at all). we spent a lot of time in front of the tv. my father broke the news to us. we were busy cleaning or cooking or something like that. and then he came and said ceausescu is down. we did not know what to believe, what to expect. the only connection with the outside world, with the history, as we later found out, was through the black & white screen of our tv set. and so, we glued our noses to it. we saw thousands of people demonstrating. shouting. bullets flying through the night, like tiny death bringing comets. we saw bodies. dead people in transparent plastic sacs. the gray blood of our former leader trickling on the white of the snow. this was not a film. this was happening. THERE. somewhere, far away. i never been to bucharest. well, actually, i did. once, as a kid. i liked the metro ride. HERE, there was nothing happening. i was thinking about my colleagues. what do they do? when school started again, in january, we acted as if nothing happened. we never talked about particular scenes, about special moments. fucking teenagers, we were… or, i was, at least. i was still not aware that one does something in the world. until then, the world just happened. the revolution, as well, just happened. there. far away. they said, on tv that bad guys from securitate are going through villages and poison the water. we were suspicious of anyone we did not know. from the window we could see up the road, if someone is approaching. usually, a dark and heavy silhouette. who’s that? we would think. is that a terrorist? a few seconds later, we would breath easily. nope, that’s the neighbor up the road. or the shop keeper. or the brother of x. or whoever else… no terrorists in our village. actually, there was nothing in our village. just the dusty road. we didn’t know what was going to happen next. and then, we started smoking meat. the pigs were just being slaughtered.